A Super Team

Batman: Wonder Woman why have you called us all together?

Wonder Woman: Because Batman I believe we must combine forces to defeat the evil Penguin. You still got that throat infection?

Superman: You needn’t worry, I’ll take care of it.

Wonder Woman: You have Fisherman’s Friend?

Superman: I’m talking about the Penguin

Wonder Woman: He owns Kryptonite

Spiderman: Don’t worry Superman, I’m your friendly neighbourhood spider and can back you up

Superman: Ha so not required

Batman: The penguin is my villain, it’s my parents he killed

Superman: Well at least you knew your parents

Spiderman: Mine were murdered too

Wonder Woman: Mine were great and had to be as all psychologically scarred women are villains

Batman: True, I should have realized since I dated most of them. But then I was troubled and lonely in a dark and dangerous world

Superman: At least you belong to this world. Do you know how often I wondered if all my bits looked human? Would I crush my girlfriends from my super molecular structure? And why did I look like you and breathe oxygen coming from a planet that didn’t have a single goddam tree!

Spiderman: I had problems too. I was bullied for being a nerd, with an aging Aunt and Uncle to guide me. One of whom was murdered, as if my parents weren’t enough

Batman: Geek chic is all the rage, and I only had a single butler who was strangely good with gadgets

Superman: And shedloads of money

Batman: Which is pretty mandatory when you aren’t born with any superpowers. Do you know how many instruction manuals I’ve had to read?

Wonder Woman: You read the instructions?

Batman: Had to, ever since I electrocuted the meat and veg

Spiderman: Ouch

Wonder Woman: The suit works. Inbuilt muscles?

Superman: We’re all in tight lycra. Showing these ripped and bulging muscles just makes me feel like a piece of meat

Spiderman: I need a codpiece

Wonder Woman: Think that’s rough? Try blow drying your hair into this fabulous style whilst twirling round in under ten seconds. It takes work. Don’t even get me started on fighting cellulite.

Superman: Phone Booths don’t exist anymore. I got my head stuck in my tights in a toilet cubicle that no one had flushed in hours

Batman: You didn’t think to flush it?

Superman: I probably should have

Spiderman: Ain’t hindsight grand?

Wonder Woman: So are we going to defeat the evil Penguin or are we going to delve into our childhoods once more?

Batman: It was a dark and solitary time. You just can’t brush it under the carpet like it doesn’t exist.

Spiderman: It formed the man I am today

Superman: And the man I hope to be. I relate to the misfits who don’t quite feel they belong

Wonder Woman: And yet you’re all handsome, tall, caucasian and brought up by someone who cared about you.

Superman: Meaning?

Wonder Woman: Some people might say you won the jackpot

Spiderman: If we’d been short, deformed and ugly we wouldn’t be the hero’s we are today

Batman: and that’s why the Penguin has to die

Wonder Woman: No it’s because he’s evil

Superman: Yes that too. There really is no place for him in this world

Spiderman: Wonder why he chose a penguin? Not exactly known for killing are they?   How did bears become cuddly?

Batman: While you ponder that Spiderman, I have a job to do.

Superman: Too late, I’ve captured him.

Batman: When?

Superman: Just now when Spiderman was dithering

Spiderman: I was pondering

Batman: He was my villain damn you

Superman: You can take the next one

Wonder Woman: That would be Lex Luther

Batman: I’m on it. Where is he?

Superman: Russia

Batman: Hmm the cost of fuel…

Spiderman: And global warming

Superman: I’d better go

Batman: Sure. I’ll get the one after that

Spiderman: I hope he’s in Gotham

Batman: Me too. The team works well

Wonder Woman: Good old Superman. Got to go guys, my onesie needs me

Spiderman: Thanks Wonder Woman.

Batman: You were testing out your codpiece weren’t you

Spiderman: I thought it didn’t show

Batman: It kind of deflated after the onesie comment