The Habsburg Jaw

Arabella: Look Papa look, there’s a horrible monster stumbling our way

Father: Ah Arabella, what luck. Now smile your pretty smile for the man. With any luck you’ll catch his eye

Arabella: I don’t want to Papa, he looks frightful.

Father: No Arabella, he’s a Habsburg, from the most powerful and wealthy family in all of Europe. Try and make a good impression

Arabella: It won’t matter Papa, we aren’t nearly rich or closely related enough to attract his attention

Father: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say his famous jaw dropped upon seeing you

Arabella: He can’t help that Papa. Oh dear he’s coming our way.

Father: Flirt my little Arabella, the connections alone would secure us

Charles Habsburg: Hood Orning

Father: Ah Charles of Spain. It could be described as an awning or a hood you are quite right, but I usually call it a hat

Arabella: No, Papa.  Good Morning your Grace, so wonderful to see your fine figure today

Father: Apologies your Grace, I was a little confused

Charles:   Who have a ratty aisle

Father: I will find out your Grace but the land should no longer be infested with vermin after the last plague

Arabella: I thank you for your compliments Sir, it has been said before that I have a pretty smile

Father: Ah Sorry your Grace, my hearing you know, isnt’ quite what it was

Charles: ret me ive ou a rift

Father: Why sir? We have no intention to offend. Trust me there is no rift on our part

Arabella: Why your Grace, it is not necessary to give me a gift, merely favouring me with your attention is enough to warm my heart

Father: Ah yes, indeed. An interesting turn of phrase

Charles: I want to ive you a cock in your its

Father: I beg your pardon! How dare…

Arabella: Why kind Sir, I will only accept your locket for keeps if it has your miniature in it. Or a soft curly lock of your hair

Father: Well that’s most kind I dare say

Charles: tis fanny to rifle

Father: You fiend! My daughter is not for sale!

Arabella: I know tis merely a trifle, but it would mean a great deal to me.

Father: Ah yes it would mean a great deal to us both. Such a fiend, that man over there, be wary of him your grace

Charles: Thou ‘eat flushes turn me ard thou unruly disgrace

Father: Bloody disgraceful indeed this talk

Arabella: How sweet that my blushes warm your heart, am I truly fair of face?

Father: Ah, what kind words, now they are unraveled for my somewhat burning ears

Charles: I want to ‘avish your arse end & ‘ussy then rest on your fair hair

Father: Why Sir I’m going to give you the soundest thrashing of your…

Arabella: Sir there is no need to lavish me a garland of poesy to rest on my fair hair

Father: Good grief! Sir we are most grateful to you for flattering my daughter however she is unfortunately betrothed to another

Arabella: Am I?

Father: Yes Arabella, I’m sure my health could not survive this courtship

Charles: That is ‘ost unfortunate

Father: Well I understood that

Charles: I will ‘id you ‘ood day

Father: And a Good Day to you too Sir


Advisor: Well Sir Charles, how was your attentions received?

Charles: Not ‘rominsing

Advisor: Indeed? But you’re a Habsburg. Were you misunderstood again?

Charles: ‘Ompletely. The father seemed to understand, hut his daughter? Not at all

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s