ROME: Dallas. How are you?
FX: kiss kiss
ROME: Excited about the show?
DALLAS: So excited I almost smiled
ROME: No Darling you mustn’t crack
DALLAS: Quite. Stephen Fry said some women feel that wrinkles show their history but that it wasn’t required for me because I was too vacuous to embrace it
ROME: That’s shocking. What did you reply?
DALLAS: What is vacuous?
ROME: I was wondering that too. At least you got to speak to Stephen Fry, he’s so funny. Did you get papped?
DALLAS: God I so hope so.
FX: Music starts
ROME: Oh Darling I just love a nude body stocking. Such a wonderful garment to show off the figure.
DALLAS: Yes. Not so useful during a period.
ROME: Or going to the bathroom
DALLAS: Well you just don’t, and one time I had this dreadful incident with a curry….
ROME: Ah what a beautiful lace ruff. Reminds me of one I bought made by street children in Bolivia
DALLAS: That is so good of you Rome, so they could earn money for their family instead of wasting time on reading and writing
ROME: Well I thought so, but then little Mumbai threw up on it.
DALLAS: So it got thrown out I suppose
ROME: Quite, Mumbai’s with some Gypsies now. I’m sure she’s happy enough.
ROME: Besides, I’m going to the Battersea Dogs Home charity event so I was hoping to pick up a pooch instead
DALLAS: Lucky you. I heard Benedict Cumberbatch was going to that
ROME: Really? Then I must purchase something spectacular
DALLAS: Exactly Darling, Tatler will be everywhere
ROME: Thank Goodness Daddy’s famous. I’d be quite useless otherwise
DALLAS: Oh Rome, look spiky shoes are making a come back
ROME: Fabulous. I speared three people who were trying to steal my sale items when I wore my last pair
DALLAS: And they great thing is you can then kick them to the curb afterwards
ROME: Which is only what they deserved
DALLAS: Indeed. Although I did come a bit unstuck later on. Not to be used for the kinky stuff
ROME: Is that so?
DALLAS: Yes my boyfriend’s left testicle looks like Sponge Bob
ROME: Ah another “fashion victim”.
DALLAS: Was that a joke?
ROME: I’m not sure. But I’m certainly not smiling over it. Oh my, look at that dress
DALLAS: It’s exquisite
ROME: Quite, such an unusual fabric
DALLAS: Apparently it’s made of meat
ROME: Like Lady Gaga’s dress
ROME: I must have it! It’s sure to be a hit with Tatler
DALLAS: And you will be the biggest hit of all!
ROME: Most likely
DALLAS: You don’t think the meat may attract the dogs?
ROME: Oh no, my chihuahua’s gave up meat long ago, and gluten, dairy, sugar etc. I’m sure the Battersea Dogs Home has a similar policy
DALLAS: And how are the little dears?
ROME: Well annoyingly one went and died in my favourite Hermes handbag, little blighter. Haven’t seen the others in a while