Batman: Wonder Woman why have you called us all together?
Wonder Woman: Because Batman I believe we must combine forces to defeat the evil Penguin. You still got that throat infection?
Superman: You needn’t worry, I’ll take care of it.
Wonder Woman: Fisherman’s Friend?
Superman: I’m talking about the Penguin
Wonder Woman: He owns Kryptonite
Spiderman: Don’t worry Superman, I’m your friendly neighbourhood spider and can back you up
Superman: Ha so not required
Batman: The penguin is my villain, it’s my parents he killed
Superman: Well at least you knew your parents
Spiderman: Mine were murdered too
Wonder Woman: Mine were great and had to be as all psychologically scarred women are villains
Batman: True, I should have realized since I dated most of them. But then I was troubled and lonely in a dark and dangerous world
Superman: At least you belong to this world. Do you know how often I wondered if all my bits looked human? Would I crush my girlfriends with my super molecular structure? And why did I look like you and breathe oxygen coming from a planet that didn’t have a single goddam tree!
Spiderman: I had problems too. I was bullied for being a nerd, with only an aging Aunt and Uncle to guide me. One of whom was murdered, as if my parents weren’t enough
Batman: Geek chic is all the rage. I only had a single butler who was strangely good with gadgets
Superman: And shedloads of money
Batman: Which is pretty mandatory when you aren’t born with any superpowers. Do you know how many instruction manuals I’ve had to read?
Wonder Woman: You read the instructions?
Batman: Had to, ever since I electrocuted the meat and veg
Wonder Woman: The suit works. Inbuilt muscles?
Superman: We’re all in tight lycra. Showing these ripped and bulging muscles just makes me feel like a piece of meat
Spiderman: I need a codpiece
Wonder Woman: Think that’s rough? Try blow drying your hair into this fabulous style whilst twirling round in under ten seconds. It takes work. Don’t even get me started on fighting cellulite.
Superman: Phone Booths don’t exist anymore. I got my head stuck in my tights in a toilet cubicle that no one had flushed in hours
Batman: You didn’t think to flush it?
Superman: I probably should have
Spiderman: Ain’t hindsight grand?
Wonder Woman: So are we going to defeat the evil Penguin or are we going to delve into our childhoods once more?
Batman: It was a dark and solitary time. You just can’t brush it under the carpet like it doesn’t exist.
Spiderman: It formed the man I am today
Superman: And the man I hope to be. I relate to the misfits who don’t quite feel they belong
Wonder Woman: And yet you’re all handsome, tall, caucasian and brought up by someone who cared about you.
Wonder Woman: Some people might say you won the jackpot
Spiderman: If we’d been short, deformed and ugly we wouldn’t be the hero’s we are today
Batman: and that’s why the Penguin has to die
Wonder Woman: No it’s because he’s evil
Superman: Yes that too. There really is no place for him in this world
Spiderman: Wonder why he chose a penguin? Not exactly known for killing are they? How did bears become cuddly?
Batman: While you ponder that Spiderman, I have a job to do.
Superman: Too late, I’ve captured him.
Superman: Just now when Spiderman was dithering
Spiderman: I was pondering
Batman: He was my villain damn you
Superman: You can take the next one
Wonder Woman: That would be Lex Luther
Batman: I’m on it. Where is he?
Batman: Hmm the cost of fuel…
Spiderman: And global warming
Superman: I’d better go
Batman: Sure. I’ll get the one after that
Spiderman: I hope he’s in Gotham
Batman: Me too. The team works well
Wonder Woman: Good old Superman. Got to go guys, my onesie needs me
Spiderman: Thanks Wonder Woman.
Batman: You were testing out your codpiece weren’t you
Spiderman: I thought it didn’t show
Batman: It kind of deflated after the onesie comment