How to get promoted….

FX:  Plastic drawer slams shut

Candida: Hi Darren. Have you broken the copier again?

Darren: No. It broke itself

Candida: As they do. Hey did you hear about Paul?

Darren: No

Candida: He got a promotion

Darren: What? How?

Candida: His Grandmother sold on ebay

Darren: Why that good for nothing…. I put my youngest on and didn’t get a single bid

Candida: Yeah, but she was wearing her new support stockings so she was looking pretty sharp. I’ve met your youngest

Darren: True. Not enough company commitment on my part

FX: The drawer slams again

Candida: At least you didn’t change your name to the bosses daughter.   I should have checked out what Candida was

Darren: Dreadful choice. She’s changed it now to Kay.

Candida: Well that’s no good. Not with a surname Syrah

Darren: Apt since we just got passed over

Candida: Not necessarily. I have a plan.

Darren: Oh yes? Me too.

Candida: I’m thinking of starting a rumour that Paul is selling secrets to our biggest competitor

Darren: Good idea. Who is our biggest competitor?

Candida: I don’t know

Darren: You’re Head of Marketing

Candida: Your point?

Darren: Why would the boss care if Paul is selling secrets to a company he wasn’t sure was his biggest competitor

Candida: Don’t get technical with me

Darren: My plan is better

Candida: The religion plan? I thought you said the synagogue had banned you

Darren: They suspected my motives. Yiddish/Gibberish, all the same to me

Candida: They had a point

Darren: So I’ve changed my tactic

Boss: Ah Darren, there you are. What a lovely surprise

Darren: Thank you boss, glad you liked it

Boss: Decking out my office in rose petals, and making swans from my napkins. Very thoughtful. The hot tub was possibly a bit far but come and see me later

Darren: With pleasure

Candida: Ah do you need to see me too Boss?

Boss: No I don’t think so

Candida: So I guess Darren, you’re forgiven for killing Flossie?

Boss: What you killed Flossie? My only cat?

Darren: Er no.

Candida: How could you not know Darren, that isn’t very loyal of you

Boss: Flossie young man, was my poor sick cat. I congratulate you, saved me a fortune in vets fees

Candida: Excuse me?  Sorry Boss, it was me that accidentally killed your cat

Boss: What were you doing at my house?

Candida: Er delivering a report

Boss: You’ve never given me a report.   And you did a fairly messy job of scraping Flossie from the tyre

Candida: It was done with love Boss. Why is it OK if Darren killed Flossie but not me?

Boss: Because you try to succeed by pulling others down

Darren: Exactly, you don’t blow nearly enough smoke up the bosses…

Candida: I will try boss. Whatever it takes

Boss: Take a look at Darren. He tried religion and found his true calling

Darren: I did. The bosses image in a gold idol. I’m a true believer

Boss: Excellent spirit Darren, the ceremonial robes a nice touch. Goodbye Candida, pick up your things on the way out

Candida: Please give me another chance

Boss: With Darren by my side, I believe I can fly

Darren: And you can Master, you have the force

Boss: I do, I do have the force

Candida: Yes the force of all that smoke causing wind!  I’m off, but you’ll never get away with this. I haven’t played my trump card yet

FX: Door slams

Boss: Hmm do we have reason to be worried Darren?

Darren: No Sir. I know she has a weapon of mass destruction but I am sure you can transcend such things

Boss: Ah. Yes I probably can.  But I’m concerned about you Darren

Darren: You needn’t be, my atoms are here to serve

Boss: And that is why you are my number 2

Darren: Why Master what an honour. I shall be the biggest and best number 2 that was ever polished.

Boss: I’m sure you will

Darren: So erm.  Delicate matter, what pay rise would I receive?

Boss:  You mean serving me isn’t enough reward in itself?

Darren: But of course, only…

Boss: Then it’s sorted then.

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