FX: Plastic drawer slams shut
Candida: Hi Darren. Have you broken the copier again?
Darren: No. It broke itself
Candida: As they do. Hey did you hear about Paul?
Candida: He got a promotion
Darren: What? How?
Candida: His Grandmother sold on ebay
Darren: Why that good for nothing…. I put my youngest on and didn’t get a single bid
Candida: Yeah, but she was wearing her new support stockings so she was looking pretty sharp. I’ve met your youngest
Darren: True. Not enough company commitment on my part
FX: The drawer slams again
Candida: At least you didn’t change your name to the bosses daughter. I should have checked out what Candida was
Darren: Dreadful choice. She’s changed it now to Kay.
Candida: Well that’s no good. Not with a surname Syrah
Darren: Apt since we just got passed over
Candida: Not necessarily. I have a plan.
Darren: Oh yes? Me too.
Candida: I’m thinking of starting a rumour that Paul is selling secrets to our biggest competitor
Darren: Good idea. Who is our biggest competitor?
Candida: I don’t know
Darren: You’re Head of Marketing
Candida: Your point?
Darren: Why would the boss care if Paul is selling secrets to a company he wasn’t sure was his biggest competitor
Candida: Don’t get technical with me
Darren: My plan is better
Candida: The religion plan? I thought you said the synagogue had banned you
Darren: They suspected my motives. Yiddish/Gibberish, all the same to me
Candida: They had a point
Darren: So I’ve changed my tactic
Boss: Ah Darren, there you are. What a lovely surprise
Darren: Thank you boss, glad you liked it
Boss: Decking out my office in rose petals, and making swans from my napkins. Very thoughtful. The hot tub was possibly a bit far but come and see me later
Darren: With pleasure
Candida: Ah do you need to see me too Boss?
Boss: No I don’t think so
Candida: So I guess Darren, you’re forgiven for killing Flossie?
Boss: What you killed Flossie? My only cat?
Darren: Er no.
Candida: How could you not know Darren, that isn’t very loyal of you
Boss: Flossie young man, was my poor sick cat. I congratulate you, saved me a fortune in vets fees
Candida: Excuse me? Sorry Boss, it was me that accidentally killed your cat
Boss: What were you doing at my house?
Candida: Er delivering a report
Boss: You’ve never given me a report. And you did a fairly messy job of scraping Flossie from the tyre
Candida: It was done with love Boss. Why is it OK if Darren killed Flossie but not me?
Boss: Because you try to succeed by pulling others down
Darren: Exactly, you don’t blow nearly enough smoke up the bosses…
Candida: I will try boss. Whatever it takes
Boss: Take a look at Darren. He tried religion and found his true calling
Darren: I did. The bosses image in a gold idol. I’m a true believer
Boss: Excellent spirit Darren, the ceremonial robes a nice touch. Goodbye Candida, pick up your things on the way out
Candida: Please give me another chance
Boss: With Darren by my side, I believe I can fly
Darren: And you can Master, you have the force
Boss: I do, I do have the force
Candida: Yes the force of all that smoke causing wind! I’m off, but you’ll never get away with this. I haven’t played my trump card yet
FX: Door slams
Boss: Hmm do we have reason to be worried Darren?
Darren: No Sir. I know she has a weapon of mass destruction but I am sure you can transcend such things
Boss: Ah. Yes I probably can. But I’m concerned about you Darren
Darren: You needn’t be, my atoms are here to serve
Boss: And that is why you are my number 2
Darren: Why Master what an honour. I shall be the biggest and best number 2 that was ever polished.
Boss: I’m sure you will
Darren: So erm. Delicate matter, what pay rise would I receive?
Boss: You mean serving me isn’t enough reward in itself?
Darren: But of course, only…
Boss: Then it’s sorted then.