Jack the Stripper

FLORA: Quick Maude, it’s getting dark and there’s a heavy fog rising.

MAUDE: I’m coming Flora, I know how dangerous it is around these old Victorian Streets.

FLORA: Quick this way, it’s faster.

MAUDE: Are you sure?

FLORA: Hurry Maude, oh no!

MAUDE: What is it?

FLORA: Do you see up ahead? That shadowy outline of a man ?

MAUDE: With the top hat? Blocking the lane with his carriage?

FLORA: Ah did you see that flash of…

MAUDE: Yes I saw that glint of….

FLORA & MAUDE: sequins

MAUDE: Nooooo

FLORA: It’s Jack the Stripper

JACK: (nasal voice) Hit it

FX: Opening bars to Hot Chocolates “You Sexy Thing”

MAUDE: Let’s go back Flora

FLORA: We can’t because of that large wolf

FX: Woof Woof

FLORA: We’re trapped!

MAUDE: Quick grab that penny farthing

FLORA: In this skirt?  Clearly designed by a man

MAUDE: Where is a phone box when you need it?

FLORA: I don’t know Maude as it hasn’t been invented yet.

MAUDE: Really? So how are we listening to hot chocolate?

FLORA: Oh did you see the way he just flung that cape on the ground?

MAUDE: Shocking. Someone has to wash that.

FLORA: Ah well. So how’s your mother Maude?

MAUDE: Not good, her hips bothering her.

FLORA: Looks he’s got his boot caught in his trousers

FX: Crash

FLORA: Here let me help you up

JACK: Ah Thank you

MAUDE: Well I have to say he’s very well mannered

FLORA: And I do quite like a man in a monocle

MAUDE: He’d be quite a catch if he wasn’t such a DIRTY PERVERT.

FLORA: Has a nice carriage though. Bit of money in the family. You’ve heard the rumours.

MAUDE: I have. (Yawns), he hasn’t even got his hat off yet.

FLORA: Oh he leaves that on

MAUDE: Really how do you know

FLORA: Erm, it was in the papers I think

MAUDE: I don’t recall that. Why did you suggest this road?

FLORA: Maude, what are you implying?

MAUDE: Well Flora maybe you get your kicks from this type of thing.

FLORA: That’s outrageous!

MAUDE: Well you are looking very intently at his long johns

FLORA: Because it’s all so shocking

MAUDE: (Calling out) Can we go soon? I’ve got a sick mother at home.

JACK: And the grand finale…..

FX: Gasp then silence

MAUDE: The rumours wrong. He’s not royalty. Not exactly the crown jewels here.

JACK: Hey, It’s a very cold night.

FX: Police whistle.

JACK: Got to scram, was lovely meeting you ladies.

MAUDE: I’d rather have been knitting

FLORA: Bye Jack

JACK: Till next time

MAUDE: Ha I knew it

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