The Dilemma of Sitting Bull

FX: A soft drum beat.

RAGING STALLION: How Sitting Bull.

SITTING BULL: How young Cinicha, Son of Roaring River.

CYRIL: Howdee Dodee Sitting Bull.

SITTING BULL: Hmmm How young Cyril, adopted Pale Face. Please sit. Today you are no longer boys. Today you are both men. You get your new name. You Cinicha is now known as Raging Stallion.

RAGING STALLION: Thank you Sitting Bull. Is big Honour.

CYRIL: What about me? What is my new name? What is it? I’ve had some ideas.

RAGING STALLION: You young Cyril will be known as cross…

CYRIL: Yes Cross, angry, furious

SITTING BULL: eyed pigeon.

CYRIL: Yesss. Erm what?

SITTING BULL: Cross Eyed pigeon.

CYRIL: So he gets Raging Stallion and I get Cross eyed pigeon?

SITTING BULL: Pigeon makes good messenger.

CYRIL: And a cross eyed one?

SITTING BULL:  Tend to go in circles.

CYRIL: So I’m good for nothing.

SITTING BULL: Some men are born great, some have it thrust upon them, but for many of us. We just are.

CYRIL: Are what?

SITTING BULL: There.

RAGING STALLION: Cross eye. Be still. There be many pigeons therefore you may have many partners.

CYRIL: Hey yeah.

SITTING BULL: No cross eye. Many pigeon means, many pies.

CYRIL: Awww that’s not fair. Can I’ve another name?

SITTING BULL: Squealing piglet?

CYRIL: No.   Another.

SITTING BULL: Bandy – legged Bandicoot?

CYRIL: Nooooo

SITTING BULL: Ah Whining Weasel!

CYRIL: I was thinking more Leaping Panther. Or Growling Bear

SITTING BULL:  Raging stallion kill 3 boar. What you kill?

CYRIL: A squirrel.

RAGING STALLION:  He sat on it. Then took it and nursed it.

CYRIL: So! Why can’t a warrior be a vegetarian?

SITTING BULL: You kill to eat, or go pick berries.

RAGING STALLION: He faints at sight of blood.

CYRIL: (furious) That’s not true! (quieter) I have allergies.

SITTING BULL: Name remains.

CYRIL: No Sitting Bull. Please give me a chance.

SITTING BULL: Then you must travel three leagues west to the land of the mohawks and kill their sacred leader Rampant Badger. Bring me his bloodied heart.

CYRIL: eeewwww.

SITTING BULL:  Name remains.

CYRIL: Fine I’ll do it.

SITTING BULL: Have courage pigeon.

CYRIL: I don’t need it. I’m off.

FX: Sound of footsteps.

RAGING STALLION: Sitting Bull, Pigeon has not returned for 2 weeks now.

SITTING BULL: He has much to prove. What is that on the horizon?

RAGING STALLION: He returns! Pigeon my brother, what news?

SITTING BULL: You look much thinner pigeon. All well?

CYRIL: All well Sitting Bull. Here is the heart.

RAGING STALLION: Well done Pigeon.

SITTING BULL: Hmm heart, very large.

CYRIL: He was a giant of a man, he fought bravely.

SITING BULL: Heart is buffalo’s, like one seen in pale face butcher.

CYRIL: That’s not true.

SITTING BULL: Rampant Badger only five foot. This heart bigger than his head.

CYRIL: Aw well it wasn’t my fault. It’s been so cloudy, I couldn’t get my sundial to work.

SITTING BULL: No excuse. Tracking skills?

CYRIL: Played havoc with my hay fever.

SITTING BULL: You fail Cross Eyed.

CYRIL: I didn’t fail. I showed ingenuity.

SITTING BULL: No Cross-eye. Idiocy. Name remains.

FX: Cyril wails

CYRIL: It wasn’t my fault. This wolf kept following me.

SITTING BULL: Ah, Wolves are murderous. How you survive Cross Eye?

CYRIL: I played my pan pipe. It liked to boogie.

SITTING BULL: Very wise Cross Eyed. Now Cross Eye must die.

CYRIL: What? why?

SITTING BULL: You now known as Dances with Wolves.

CYRIL: Gees, really? How about the Wolverine?

SITTING BULL: Do not push it, or back to cross-eyed.

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