REPORTER: Well it’s an extremely momentous day as the new Prime Minister of Great Britain, Mr Jeremy Corbyn meets the President of the United States, Mr Donald Trump. Here they come now.
REPORTER: Mr Trump, how was your meeting with Mr Corbyn?
TRUMP: The United Kingdom and the United States has always enjoyed a special relationship. I think we’ve taken that to new levels today.
CORBYN: We didn’t see eye to eye on many things…
CORBYN: But the biscuits were nice.
TRUMP: Not enough chocolate.
REPORTER: Do you think you can work together with such different foreign policies?
TRUMP: Nuke him
CORBYN: What about peace, love and understanding?
TRUMP: Awww you’re so special you have just left the happy clappy bus.
CORBYN: Did you see that? Did you see that bullying? Well at least I’m not Putin’s puppet.
TRUMP: You’d have terrorists shoot your own citizens.
CORBYN: I could talk them out of it.
TRUMP: You couldn’t talk an anorexic out of a crispy cream donut.
CORBYN: I could. I have empathy.
TRUMP: God you’re such a pussy, I just want to…
CORBYN: Grab me?
TRUMP: Too right, by your scrawny…..
REPORTER: Now onto trade Donald, do you think you would be able to work a trade deal with the UK?
TRUMP: Depends if it’s in the best interest of America.
CORBYN: Mr Trump is all about self interest.
TRUMP: Let’s be clear here. I’m all for the UK sticking their finger up to the EU. I like it when countries stick their finger up, and sometimes I feel the urge to rotate on that, however at the end of the day, I ain’t likely to sign no deal. Unless it’s a golf course in Scotland.
CORBYN: Which has completely ruined the landscape.
CORBYN: He completely ignored planning permission.
TRUMP: I ain’t gonna let a load of bureaucrats dictate to me. Hell I don’t even pay taxes, but I employ a lot of people. What do you do Jeremy?
CORBYN: I like camping. And bunnies.
TRUMP: I bet you do.
REPORTER: Now that brings us nicely onto the topic of climate change…
CORBYN: Scientifically proven.
TRUMP: Doesn’t exist.
CORBYN: We should all be riding bicycles and giving back to our Earth mother. I like daisies.
TRUMP: I like Florida sunshine as it beats down on my SUV
CORBYN: Global warming is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. We are all going to fry to death.
TRUMP: I ain’t gonna do not frying. I’m the President of the USA and I’m going straight to heaven because I said so.
CORBYN: The sheer hubris of the man.
TRUMP: Who you calling useless?
CORBYN: I said hubris. Don’t you know the word?
TRUMP: Course I do.
CORBYN: What does it mean?
TRUMP: I just know
REPORTER: So is it fair to say you see UK and US relations as strained right now?
CORBYN: Strained is a strong word. We both enjoyed looking at photos of Ivanka.
TRUMP: We sure did, she’s a beautiful girl.
CORBYN: And it was all perfectly wholesome.
TRUMP: It sure was, are you implying otherwise?
CORBYN: Funny how you leapt to that implication
TRUMP: Why I’m gonna show you
FX: CRASH BANG THUMP
REPORTER: WOW, well it looks like Jeremy is giving a right thrashing to Donald Trump, can you believe it?. I guess all that cycling and tent pitching has given him some powerful biceps.
MILANIA: Wake up Donald, wake up.
TRUMP: Ah Milania, I just had the worst nightmare.
MILANIA: Did you baby?
TRUMP: I dreamt I was taking a beating by this weird hippy dude.
MILANIA: It was just a dream Darling. We all know you are a big, tough swinging dick around here.
TRUMP: You’re goddamn right Milania. I’ve gotta show people what America’s made of.
MILANIA: That’s right Donald.
TRUMP: I’m gonna show them all.
MILANIA: How Donald?
TRUMP: You up for another nude photoshoot?
TRUMP: Don’t worry baby, there won’t be fur or handcuffs
TRUMP: I’m thinking furry handcuffs. Tough and sexy.
MILANIA: Whatever you want Donald. But I’m from Slovenia not America.
TRUMP: You’re all American to me baby, cause I’m the president and I just said so. I’ll just run it past my friend Vlad. But I think he’ll like it.